I’ve been asked lately why I do what I do. It’s an interesting question that I was surprised to find had no easy answer. In fact when I tried to formulate an answer my response was slightly different each time I put finger to keyboard. So I thought I would resolve my internal dilema by rambling a little to see what would spring forth, to see if I could bring my somewhat confused thoughts on the matter into some sort of order.
I guess what I do has a lot to do with who I am. I am a creative who loves doing ‘stuff’ with a hatred for empty unused workshops. I gain energy from human interaction, over that of computers though some would argue this fact, and I love to connect with other like minded individuals through several clubs hosted in my home workshop. I confess to talking a lot at these events, mostly about myself and what I have been up to in the workshop, but I do try hard to focus on others speaking life to those in my sphere of influence – ‘honestly’.
Being inside my brain is a bit like riding a roller coaster where possibilities, projects, ideas and imaginings are the coaster corners. Some corners are sharp and challenging requiring a great deal of attention, others less so. Many projects require tediously slow uphill slogs to complete while others are a downhill rush – I do get things done, just in a winding up down round about kind of way. Some project or ideas are discarded because I lack the time rather than the motivation. Others because they lack the ability to challenge me or I have quickly completed them in my headspace and deemed them unworthy. However the more demanding ones, the ideas with substance make my brain race with possibilities, they grab my attention and take control, throwing me around with their momentum.
However negative self-talk is the chink in my armour. At times it leads me to refute the positive feedback given me and instead replace it with the belief that my efforts are sub-par, irrespective of their positive feedback. Simultaneously some other part of my brain will be whispering not to let such irrational fears gain traction and stand in the way of my creativity. These echo within the vacant space while the shadows tell me that if I stand too tall I will be pulled down to size, calling me to step back from the extraordinary and be normal just like everyone else. It’s a funny thing this ‘tall poppy’ syndrome and what it does to us ‘creatives’ or rather what we sometimes let it do to us.
Fortunately I have an inbuilt defence. I am wired a little differently and that means I am seldom the one in control of what happens inside the spherical canister of my skull because somewhere way in the back there my creative drive kicks in to counter any fear of failure. Ideas start to generate their own momentum, so much so that all I can do is watch mentally as my mouth prepares to engage in excited conversation about the possibilities. Then words and ideas escape my mouth, well before reason has a chance to capture and inspect them, but the speaking of my mind before the thinking somehow helps my creative process. It’s outside the box, or outside my mouth in this case!
So don’t mistake my enthusiastic ramblings as showing off or vane boasting – it’s because my brain is usually out of control.
I love what I do and I do what I love so, “Don’t just sit there, do something!”